he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
