And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
