Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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