Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
