I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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