Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize