Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
