You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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