I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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