Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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