Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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