i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
