did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
