There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
