why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
