Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
