i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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