so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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