Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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