it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
