So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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