good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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