I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
