Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
