she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
