Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
