Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
