okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
