apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
