she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
