Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
