Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
