Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
