Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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