Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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