ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
