Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
