i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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