I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
