do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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