I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize