All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
