dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
