my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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