It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
