I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Randomize
