someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
