Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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