Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
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i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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