i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
