If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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