haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
