My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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