i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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