think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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