bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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