is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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