Porn is love you can see.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
