Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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