If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
