i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
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