I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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