Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
