So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
