my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
