Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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