haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
