Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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