Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
