wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
