no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
