Will you blow on my dice?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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