remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
