At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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