just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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