Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
