there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize