Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
