just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
