I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
