he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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