Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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