I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
